Two Thousand Thirteen

In a few minutes, the fireworks will go off, a sign that a year just passed by again.

I know this sounds cliche but where did the time go? It doesn't feel like a year. That's 12 months. 365 days. But it sure felt like a breeze to me.

A lot had happened in 2013, both good and bad. Just like every other year. However, I have a few major things that happened in my life this year that made me change completely. If you asked me at the beginning of this year, I would never thought I'd be here right now. 

For starter, I am at the end of my final semester before I go for my internship. Who would have thought I survived all those hardships through out my final projects and thesis? I have also became much closer to my friends this year. Some of them turned out to be really good people and can be trusted but most of them turned out to be exactly how I predicted them to be. Not in a good way. I tried to stop thinking negatively and tried to open up to people. After all, what's life without taking chances right? But like I said, most of the people I took my chances with turned out to be how I expected them to be. I'm not complaining though because I know these people brought lessons into my life and I learned that these people are not worth my time at all. I don't have time for negativity anyway.

I went through a heartache, a massive one at that. But it made me realize I am stronger than I thought I was to survive it on my own, without holding on to it too long because I taught myself to just let it go and focus on the future instead of being stuck on the past. I also learned that I don't need to depend on anyone for my own happiness. I can totally survive by my own and I can definitely do things on my own.

I met a lot of new people this year too, some gave good impacts, some bad. Yea, shocker. 

But among all these people I met this year, one of them gave such a big impact to my life.  I have no idea how and why but the the first time I met this person, I automatically knew that he will be a significant part of my life. Not necessarily romantically, but generally. He completely changed my perspective on life and my inner self. He believes in what I'm passionate about, he supports what I like to do and he motivates me by sharing advices, life experiences and he introduced opportunities for me to improve myself and my life. To be honest, I have never met someone who is as positive as he is, as determined as he is, who believes in themselves, who brings out the best out of other people as he does. He basically made me realize the existence of all the good things in life that were clouded by my negative thoughts and judgements all this while. He recommends books for me to read, tv series for me to watch, suggests solutions to my problems and motivates me in the meanest way possible (but it worked. Haha) when I was about to give up. He cracks lame jokes sometimes too but hey, that's part of the charm, right? Haha. Anyway, I am grateful to have met someone like him who made me realize that I am so much better than what I thought I can be and that I can push myself to the fullest potential. I doubt he is reading this but if you are, I would like to thank you for affecting my life in such positive way :)

Because of the fact that I have changed my perspective on life completely, I found myself to be really positive about other things in life too. I have been very discipline with my health and eating habits, I've been consistent with my goals and striving to achieve them, I learned to avoid the people who bring me down constantly, I learned to take chances and not be afraid of risks and mistakes, I learned more about myself this year than I did in the previous years of my life, I taught myself to stop being a shopaholic and most important of all, I have improved my relationship with Allah and my family. Not saying I had bad relationships with them before, I am so close to my family but I felt like I wasn't good enough. Now I am still improving but Alhamdullilah, I can see that I'm on the right path in getting there. I am also trying to improve the relationships I have with everyone I know. In fact, I'm absolutely sure that I have improved my relationship with one of my best friend and my number one reader (as she always say), Putt. I have become so much closer to her this year and I enjoy being around her and talking to her. She's a gem, enough said. Oh and I know you're reading this. So hiiiiiii, baby girl! *waves*

Last year I didn't have any resolutions. My reason was that I wouldn't keep up even if I had one. But 2014 is a year of change for me. I want 2014 to be a life changing year for myself. I want to change to be a better person, inside and out. I have so many resolutions in my mind right now but I will just include some of the important ones that pops into my head.

First, I would like to stop complaining. Just about anything. I don't want to complain. Instead, I would like to take control of my own mind and think of all the obstacles and problems in the most positive way possible. 

Secondly, I want to cut off all the negative people from my life. Once and for all. The ones who always condemn me. The ones who are always being sarcastic about the things I'm passionate about like my YouTube channel or the motivational videos I always watch. I will only acknowledge people who support me and bring the positive vibes into my life.

I also would like to start saving instead of spending. After all, as Robert Kiyosaki once tweeted, "The wealthy buy luxuries last, while the poor and middle-class tend to buy luxuries first". No more drug stores or Sephora, no more new bags, no more shoes, no more accessories unless it's a necessity (I doubt a new lipstick is a necessity but whatever. Haha). 

Lastly, I hope the motivation for me to keep healthy and eat clean won't die down. I want to be active and be healthy through out my life starting from now. Hopefully!

Okay so those are my 2014 resolutions. Well, some of them. Do you have any resolutions for 2014? Do share your resolutions with me in the comment section, so we all can motivate each other to focus and achieve our goals for this new year!

Happy New Year, everyone! 

Ramadhan is here!!

It felt like it was just yesterday when I went to the mosque to perform my Terawih prayers, like any other Ramadhan. And now, another year had passed. It's amazing how time flies so fast! I always compare myself year after year. Whether I've changed to a better person or just worse. Alhamdulillah, I changed a little to the better side. Although it's not a lot, I'm grateful for what I've become and I always thank Allah for everything that I have now.

I hope this Ramadhan will be a great one like the years before, considering the fact that I'll be working this Ramadhan, please let it be an easy task for me. I know I'll be in the air conditioner the whole day, and it's not about that at all. It's just the work load I'll have to face. I love my job now and I'm not complaining. But I've been spending my work hours with candies and snacks while doing my work at the office. So now I'm going to have to hold myself back from going into the pantry and rummage through the cupboard for my favourite coconut cookies!

On a bright side, Ramadhan has always been a good month, every year. So this year, I hope it's the same! I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to everyone for my wrong doings or any harsh words I let out, either purposely or not, if in any case you were hurt by my actions or words. I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you guys will have a great fasting month and don't forget to perform your Terawih prayers every chance you get! Happy Ramadhan everyone! :)

Changing Wardrobes

Last year, my wardrobe was full with dresses, skirts and shorts. I loved wearing them, especially those adorable Topshop dresses I have. I still have them now but I decided to put them away in a box full of clothes I don't wear any more. I can still fit in those clothes but I changed. My heart changed. I don't know how and I don't know when but when you are raised by a pair of loving and responsible parents, I guess you'll mature in a good way, inside and out.

I used to love wearing anything that bare my legs because I followed the trend. I didn't wear any tank tops, tubes or anything that bare my arms but throw me any shorts, skirts or even short dresses, you'll see me donning them by the side walk the next minute. My wardrobe consisted of shorts, dresses, skirts and more skirts. I didn't wear them because I want people to look, I wore them because I loved them. Both my parents always talked me out of it, especially my Dad, saying we're Islam and we have to take care of our behaviour, the way we dress and stuffs. Sometimes I kept quiet but wore them anyway but sometimes I answered them back, not harshly of course considering the fact that they're my parents (duh!), giving them reasons and whatever I could think of and sometimes I whined.

Dad : Why are you wearing such skimpy clothes? Don't you have anything better to wear?

Me : But all my friends wear it...

Or sometimes..

Dad : Go and change to more covered clothes!

Me : Why can't I wear them? I'm young. I'll start to cover up when I'm married.

The conversations had always been like that, every time. Mom was a little bit more subtle when it comes to advising me. She never really pressured me on changing my wardrobe but she did give me hints like, "wouldn't it be embarrassing if we bump into one of your Dad's friends while we're out and they see you wearing that?" or sometimes, she would say something mean like, "your legs look huge in that skirt". I didn't care most of the time, I strut the malls in shorts and skirts anyway. I was a stubborn child. Maybe I still am, a little. Hehe.

Despite me being stubborn about clothings, I never raised my voice at my parents. I might be a really stubborn daughter but I still know about respect and I know my parents are my everything. I won't be anything without them. So, I'm proud of myself now because my parents don't have to advise me on clothings any more. Like I said, my heart changed.

I have no idea when I started to change or what made me change. But I do have a few reasons why I suddenly felt like it's time for me to throw away all those skimpy clothes I owned. I felt that it's time for me to be a more responsible Muslim now than before. If last time I wore skirts, now I wear jeans. If last time Mom had to remind me about my prayers, now I automatically know when it's time to pray. I'm not saying I change a lot or that I've grown into such a saint, no. I'm saying that the smallest things in me has changed for the better. I still haven't wear hijab around my head, I still gossip around with my friends, I still waste my money on unnecessary things and all kinds of stuffs that Islam doesn't approve. I'm far than a perfect Muslim but at least I'm trying to get there and I know I have so many things I have to change to be a good Muslim.

Hijabs are compulsory for Muslim women but to me, if their hearts are not sincere and are forced to wear them, there's no point on wearing the hijabs anyway. It's all about sincerity and do it for your love towards Allah. Not because you want to follow the trend or something. I see so many women in Malaysia donning the various styles of hijabs, but have you ever wondered about their sincerity and their hearts? Islam forbids Muslims to show off, to wear something so others can see their fabulous styles. I know that it's not good to plan an outfit just so people would stare and admire us but can we really help it? With all that's happening in this world right now? Press and media are really getting into most of our heads these days and I admit, I am influenced by the media too. I watch tutorials on Youtube and wanted to try the new style or I saw Mary-Kate Olsen holding a nice bag and the next thing I know, I'm buying a new similar bag. Those kinds of things are the things that turn us into such negligent people without us realising. You'd be lying if you say you haven't been influenced by the Internet or the media even just a little. Can you find someone who doesn't own a Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Blogspot account? I doubt it. Unless they live in a cave and don't know the existence of the Internet. It's not wrong to be open towards all these things but make sure you know your limits and don't get too caught up. If you're too influenced by all these entertainment we have now, you might change little by little without you realising it. Just think, your parents raise you to be a good person in the future, with good moral values, remember to pray and appreciate all their hard work. Don't you think the least we can do for them is to grow up being a good person inside and out? I know it's hard for us to be a complete saint or a perfect person, it's quite impossible if you ask me. But at least avoid the things you know you shouldn't do and do the things you should do sincerely for the love towards Allah and your parents.

My parents guided me a lot and I love them so much!

Like me, I used to wear all those skirts and shorts, sure, they were comfortable and one of the easiest and most comfortable clothing I've worn but now, I just don't find them flattering any more. I feel awkward if I still wear them out in public. Now that I'm a grown up, I know my responsibilities. I still haven't cover up my hair but I hope one day, I will. For now I'm glad I've covered up a little and that I realised what's good and what's bad.

See, you can still be hotter than Megan Fox even if you're not as sexy as her.

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Okay Ayeen, that's so not funny. But whatever, you get my point.

Prayers

I'm not a saint myself, nor am I extremely religious. I don't wear hijab around my head but I come from a family that take our prayers seriously. I still remember when my brother and I were little (way back when both my little sister and brother weren't born yet), my parents were so strict about praying 5 times a day, it's compulsory for us to go for Quran lessons at night and we started fasting at the age of 5. Even now, my parents are still strict about these things but mostly to my little sister and brother because my brother and I know better than to skip our daily prayers. We've become somewhat independent Muslims, thanks to the early lessons from our parents. I used to be a naughty girl where I always purposely stayed in the shower longer than I supposed to just so my brother will go to our night Quran lessons without me. I was lazy to go because we had to cycle ourselves in the dark alleys at the back of our house to the Ustazah's house and I hate this part so much because I had to cycle in my Baju Kurung and a long hijab around my head. There was this one time, my hijab was stuck at the bicycle's pedal. My brother took a few minutes to get it out and he had to tore it up to get it unstuck. The fact that Ustazah's house was so stuffy and hot made me even lazier. When my brother went to high school and stopped Quran lessons, Mom switched me to another Ustazah and this time I didn't dread. Because the Ustazah is fun and I didn't mind staying late just to complete my lessons every night. I learned how to pray from this Ustazah better than the one before and I learned pretty much everything I know now from this Ustazah.

Now, even if I don't go to Quran lessons anymore, I still remember how to read Jawi and I can write Jawi fine. I pray and I came to realise that pray is the only way to soothe you and if you really want to change to a better person, you should start by not missing your 5 daily prayers. I used to be so rebellious as a teenager and now I realised that the reason I became that person was because I always miss my daily prayers. I tend to do things that hurt my parents' feelings and things I know I'll regret later on in life. Thank God I have my family around me and Zahir to make me snap back to someone sane. I promised myself to change and not repeat whatever mistakes I did in the past and I'm glad I started with praying 5 times a day. I find it so life changing. And now whenever I make mistakes or feel so grumpy, it must be because I miss my prayers. When I pray, I feel so calm.

So you see, teenagers these days always roam outside and inside of clubs or have bottles of alcohol in their hands. I don't want to judge people but I'm just glad my parents and Allah love me and they always guide me to grow up as a good person. They taught me what's good and bad. Allah gave me a supportive and loving family, a guy that cares for me, a best friend that has been with me since we were 9 and enough necessities for me to live. Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah, I'm living a comfortable life without me heading to a wrong direction in life. I may not wear a hijab, but I will come to my senses one day and I will cover my hair when my heart opens up to it and to me our daily prayers are the most crucial if you don't want to head to a wrong path in your life :)