Hello, Real Life!

When you were in primary school or high school, have you ever expected your life is going to turn out exactly like how it has turned out right now? Is the life you're living now the life you expected to live from the start? Is the life you're living now is the life you wished to live since you were younger?

I'm pretty sure 99% of the answers will be a big fat NO.

As I grew older, I realized that not everything will turn out as planned or as expected. Planning and dreaming about the future seems so easy to do but to make everything you dreamed of actually happen.... Not so. That's why I have given up planning the future so precisely because I know it won't turn out like I want it to be. I just focus on my goals now and aiming to achieve it instead of having everything mapped out in front of me. After all, life is an adventure. It's good to have life goals and strategies to achieve them but you can't really control everything and everyone in your life.

I turned 23 last Saturday and man, do I feel old. It might not sound as bad to some of you but to me, 23 is an age where I can announce to the world that I am officially "old". What more when I have actually started working. That certainly make me feel older. Talking about work, it had never crossed my mind that I will be in the real estate industry. Let me repeat. N-E-V-E-R. As a little kid, I never really dreamed of being the doctor, the engineer or the lawyer like most of kids my age wanted to be. Believe it or not, every time people ask me what I want to be when I grow up. My answer was "A Cashier". Reason? Simply because I love plastics and paper bags. Not to mention the cash counters/machines. I've always loved and dreamed to be a cashier at any stores so I can play with the cash machines. My love for the cash machine was so true that my Dad bought me a white and pink Barbie cash machine so I can play and live my 'dream' to be a cashier. LOL. I sure dream big, don't I? Hahahaha.

Okay you can stop laughing at me now.

As I grew, my dream career changed. When I was in the first half of my high school years, I was determined and sure that I want to be a teacher. I want to teach English, just like my Mom. That was when I started writing on my blog because I know it will improve my English if I start writing. That was also when I discovered that I really love writing. I started my own "book". Not like a proper book for everyone to read, of course. Just something I write, sort of like a novel but a personal one. No, it's not a journal or a diary or anything like that, in case you're wondering. I didn't write about my life but I imagine being someone else and created the whole story myself. I really fell in love with writing because it's something that I know I'm in control and I'm in charge of the whole story line. I can write whatever crap that comes to mind and it's okay because I invented the story. I am in charge of the characters. I am the story.

But then after a while, I thought that I don't want to be a teacher because it's hard to have that big responsibility of teaching people's children and making sure the knowledge you pass on to the students are the best you can give. Being a teacher is hard work, believe me. Most people I know look at teachers like they are nothing but I have lived with a teacher all my life. Trust me when I say, they are the ones who always get underestimation from people. To me, being a teacher is the sincerest job anyone could be and I will always respect teachers as without teachers, we wouldn't even know how to count to 10, we wouldn't even know how to spell "Apple" for the first time and we wouldn't even know the history. I have seen my Mom get upset and worried whenever her students did very bad in their tests. I have also seen my Mom got so excited to think of something for her students to learn a different way by teaching them outdoors. There was this one time, she asked her students to bring their own food and drinks from home for a 'study picnic' under the tree at school. I told her, "how come my teachers have never done this for us when I was in primary?". Seeing my Mom being a teacher made me want to be a teacher too, so that was why I applied to be a French language teacher after I graduated high school. I did well for the interview but my heart told me that wasn't it. That career is not the path I want to take. So I accepted the offer from University of Malaya instead, to do a one year foundation in Built Environment. At that time, I knew it was a risk to take because if I fail, I would have to start all over again from Diploma and I will be behind everyone else in my batch. Also, it wasn't like I know what "Built Environment" means at that time. I just went with the flow. After I learned what Built Environment is all about, I was aiming to be an Architect. I couldn't be so sure because I was in the University, so I thought... "hey, I'm 18 and I'm in college. I don't think I will every change my ambition again." Well, guess what?

It changed. Again.

After passing my Foundation, Alhamdulillah, I got accepted in University of Malaya for my Degree as well. During my first year in Real Estate, I realized I gravitate more towards a few subjects like Law, Marketing & Sales. I hated (and still hate) subjects like Valuation, Investments or Construction.

Fast forward four years, I am now done with my Degree in Real Estate and I am working now. In Agency & Marketing Department at a very awesome Real Estate company and I couldn't be more blessed. I am so happy and honored to be offered a job there even before I finished my internship. All those 4 years of Degree are definitely worth it because look at where it got me. I am 23 and turning into a new chapter in my life. I know this part of my life will be the hardest because this is when I have the responsibility towards my own life, my work, my achievements and a lot of other things too. This is the part where my parents can let go of me financially and in other aspects too for me to think what's best for myself and not be too dependant on them. Another step towards real life and I'm going to be honest with you, I'm nervous and scared as hell because this is the beginning of my real life.

Something that my Mom said on the night of my birthday made me cry :

"Please stop growing up, baby. Stop here. I don't want you to grow up anymore."

I just hugged her and told her that as much as I don't want to grow up-too, this is the time when I need to grow up and learn. It's time for me to take care of her and Dad instead of the other way around.

So, guys. Wish me luck on this new journey of mine.

Bismilahirrahmannirahim.

That's So Raven

Do you remember this TV Show? That's So Raven has got to be my most favorite show on Disney Chanel since I was little. I remember every week day, when I got back from school, I always took my lunch and without bothering to change my school uniform, I will be glued in front of the tv at 4.00pm to watch That's So Raven. And I usually didn't move until like, 5.30 because 4.30pm was Lizzie McGuire and Totally Spies was up at 5 to 5.30pm.

And that was more than 10 years ago, when I was about 10 years old. Now I'm 21 and thank God for the creation of Internet, I still watch it almost everyday! I always go online on Facebook, Youtube or Twitter but really, 90% of the time I spent on my laptop is to watch TV series and 80% of that is for That's So Raven. Yes, now you know how obsessed I was/am for that tv show.

Although I was a huge fan of Hilary Duff, I've always preferred Raven than Lizzie McGuire. I've always been a fan of Raven's clothes in that show. You know, when fur bell bottoms and funky shoes were the 'in' thing back then? I've always wanted the faux fur jackets and denims Raven always wore. But I guess if I were to wear it now, people will definitely think I'm crazy. But anyway, not only Raven had awesome clothes, that show was also hilarious!

Disclaimer : I don't own the photos in this post. Clicking the photos will link you back to the original links.

High School Girls

Everyone knows how my social life is. My life revolves around my family, mainly. And then there are Zahir and Fara. Yes, it stops there. I'm known to be such a snob when it comes to keeping other friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm friendly and I love meeting new people and I love my other friends too, I swear. It's just that, I'm not that type of person who can keep up. Nowadays people go out and catch up with their friends almost every day/night. But me? I'm a home person. I don't like going out except if my parents offer me a shopping spree. Even both my best friend and boyfriend know how much I hate going out without a solid reason. I don't like to go to a mamak restaurant and just eat and talk the whole night. No, that's definitely not my cup of tea. I refuse to go out and I guess that's why I'm lack of friends. I simply can't keep up. To those who have known me for long and stayed, that means they understand how my life is and they accept that about me, which I'm so thankful for.

But sometimes, I realized that it is good to go out, to meet your old friends. I mean, why not right? I've been sitting in a cocoon for long enough, now that I have my semester break, why not catch up with some of my old friends. It doesn't hurt to meet after so long. Honestly, I miss my friends. High school ones, during my foundation year friends as well as my college friends. I went out with my college friends before they went back to their hometown on Monday and I had a great time. But what I was so excited and nervous about was the reunion I was going to on Wednesday night.

I had a few problems with my high school friends and if anyone were to blame, it's me. When I was 16, I avoided my group of friends. The reason? Let it just be between my friends and I, but what you should know is, I regret it. Sure, I avoided them and I thought I can focus more on my studies if I did. Sure, I did focus more on my studies after all but I really really miss my friends. We used to do everything together and we even had this friendship book. Kind of like a burn book, you can say. I am no genius, unlike my friends in the group, they have the brain of Einstein! So I had to work harder than them in order to get the results I wanted. My friends can play around and still get A's by the end of the year. So I was so worried since I'm not as smart as them, so I thought avoiding them was a great idea. My mistake was avoiding them completely without explanation. So I guess it's just fair that the night I met them, they interrogated me about the past.

We were a group of 5. There's Iffah, Fatin, Shera, Fara and I. We're like inseparable during those days. But since I avoided them, I guess they hated me for doing that and I don't blame them. However, the night I met them was great. We talked and we brought the friendship books to just go through and read them together to reminisce the good old days. At a point, my nervousness vanished into thin air and I felt so comfortable with them, just like we used to be before. The thought of sharing so much secrets together back then and here we are now, almost 5 years later. And I thought, okay maybe they've forgiven me.

Well, I was wrong.

Before going back, they said that they have something to say and they need my explanation. I was so nervous, I thought they were going to yell to my face for what I did and storm out the door. But no, they asked me nicely why I did that to them and how we're adults now and we need to settle this thing hanging between us once and for all. So they started to ask me questions that I have no problem answering because I have nothing to hide but for some reason, I was nervous. I was scared that they'll never forgive me. I trembled while I talked and if they noticed, they didn't mention it. They just listen intently to what I had to say. I guess I really broke their hearts and I thought, "I'm ready to accept any brutal comments from them. After all, I deserve it".

I swear, never in my life it occur to me to hate them even a little bit. I've never hated them, ever. I didn't abandon them out of hate. It was just a problem I had with myself that I thought I couldn't do it if I stay friends with them. But now I know it was a mistake and they were kind enough to forgive me. Well, except for Shera, I think. I don't know. It was kind of hard to read her expression but I guess it's only logical for her to be the one who find it hardest to forgive me since I was the closest to her back then. I know I've hurt her feelings, and the rest. And I know there's nothing for me to do to make up to them but we're in good terms now (at least, I think so) and I felt relieved than ever. I felt like this huge weight I have been carrying around for so long had been lifted down my shoulders.

Right to left : Fara, Me, Shera, Iffah and Fatin

So to you 'Miszy Lelle' (it was our thing back then) girls, if you're reading this, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for what I've done and yes, I made a mistake. I should have explained to you girls long before this. I feel so lucky to have you girls forgive me. And thank you <3

I dont miss school, not yet

Abang and I had to go send Nina off to school. The first day of school and I have never been so satisfied in my life. This feeling I have inside me when I stepped in that school, its indescribable. I love it ! Seeing all those little kids standing inside school wearing that pathetic white and blue uniforms. I was happy to leave but I feel somewhat, old ? Haha who cares ? As long as I dont have to wake up early in the morning, face the dramas at school and face the books. So anyway, I went to the bookshop to take the booklist for my sister. Then went to the canteen with Abang. Had a cup of strawberry dadih. Yes, I hate to admit, though I dont miss school, I sure miss the food there. Their fried rice is the best ! After eating, I went to meet up with my several favourite teachers to say hey and went to Nina's class. After settling some stuffs, Abang and I went to the primary school. Fetched my little brother and went back home. Window shopped online. Found nothing interesting. Wait, I did found something I reallllly want. Like I want it soooooo badly but its waayyy to pricey because its designer's. Marc Jacobs is seriously the most brilliant human being ever. His designs are all sooo, like, wow ! But why do they cost thousands ? Sighh. I found alot of things I want from Marc Jacobs but a bag realllllyyy caught my eyes. Its from Chloe. Ohmyy.

I asked mommy if I can go hunt for jobs and she said yes. She said why dont you just go tomorrow ? And I was like, yeahh why not ? So yeah, asked Zhr to come with me. Thought about getting any job at Parade but then mommy said she wants me to work at Pyramid. So yeahh, anywhere will do for me (:

I WANT THIS REALLY BAD ! GAHH

Finally ,

Its been ages ! I was unable to blog since I can't online due to my big exam, SPM. I have another 2 and a half papers to go and I'll be free ! But despite the 2 and a half papers, I still have to wait 8 days to kiss my highschool books goodbye. Sighhh. Alot happened, of course. But not before SPM though because all I did was study my ass off for my History the first and second day. The first paper of my History was nothing like I imagined. It was tough. And so far I've had massive stress-ness over my Additional Mathematics paper only. Pheew, thank god huh ? I just hope all my hard work will pay off. I even managed to find a last minute private tutor for my Add Maths 3 days before the paper. English on the other hand, I enjoyed writing the essay as I'm really into writing. I wrote both my essays about my best friend, Fara :D She went all aww-you're-so-sweet on me when I told her about it. Haha.

Forget the exams. The reason I can blog now is that my daddy's not home. And that I have more than a week holidays till my second last paper. I can barely wait ! During my so-called holidays, I went to Ikea with Mom and like usual, as soon as I saw the restaurant in Ikea I forgot all my self promises the night before and started to stuff my face with foods. I cant help it if they serve nice and decent food there, right ? (: I ate a fish burger and fries, 'helped' Mom finish her mashed potato and veggies and for dessert, my favourite of all time, Daim cake. Yummmmmyy, I must say. After all, thats the only thing I MUST eat every time I go to Ikea. Even if I'm not hungry. yes :D After I finished off my last bit of oh so delicious cake, I continue stuffing the carrots on mommy's plate. Its a good think I turned pescetarian, you know. Because if I didnt, I will surely eat the chicken pie Mom was having too. Haha. I had to pack my cinnamon roll in a paper bag since my stomach was like ready to burst. When I was on the way back home, the whole Usj was flooded. Mom was so scared and started talking like we were going to drown right then and there. Haha. I tried to crack stupid jokes and Mom was like 'Im too scared to laugh right now' but she laughed anyway. Lol. We were relief when we arrived home safely.

Now back to studies, I've been lazing around on the couch every single day without studying for my remaining papers. Account and Economics are really important, I know. But everyday when I woke up I will promise myself that I will study but then I'll just watch tv and sleep the whole day. And now I'm starting to panic ! Ironically, Im panicking but I have no intention to study at all. Gahhh, somebody shoot me in the head, for gods sake.

Last night I was famishing for food. The whole family and I went to send daddy off to KLIA. And hearing Mom said 'no, we're going straight back home after sending your daddy' after my little brother, Irfan asked her 'are we going to eat out later ?' was the most disappointing moment in my life ! Okay maybe I'm exaggerating a little but like, I didn't eat since noon and it was midnight. How could I not be hungry ? But then Mom felt sorry for her children and took us to a 24hours mamak restaurant in usj17. I ate a little and started feeling sick. So I stopped eating. When I got home Mom invited Nina and I to sleep in her room since Dad's in Beijing. I woke up this morning with sore on my whole body. That is what I get from sleeping next to Nina. Haha.

I had a talk with Mom this evening about my future. I told her Im confuse and that I'm afraid that I will choose the wrong path when Im in college. Mom said not to worry and hearing her explanation about college life send a slight chill in my body. Mom also said that maybe this week we'll go register for my driving test. Finally. Oh well, I cant stop thinking about my life after SPM. Im thinking about getting a part time job anywhere. Yeah, anywhere BUT a restaurant or any stores that has anything to do food. I've had enough of sore body parts every night from my job at Baskin Robbins last year. So yeah, Im thinking more of a clothing store or maybe MPH or something. As long as the pay's good, then Im all for it :D

Wow, this is an awfully long post. Need to eat my dinner. Till then (:

Student Exchange

My school had this student exchange thing this week. They collaborated with a school from Australia. The students had to go and introduce ourselves to them during the assembly. So my friends and I got around and mingle with them. Some of them were just too shy but most of them were so easy to talk to! My friends and I instantly clicked with this group of Australians. They were just so nice and friendly. But among them, I got close to this one particular 15 year old guy, Matt.

I don't know how we got so close but I think it was the time when he asked me to sit beside him to watch him play PSP. Then we got to talking, about his family, my family. And then he got to more personal stuffs. He asked about my boyfriend and I showed him a photo of Zahir in my phone. After that the conversation just went to something more relaxed and it was as if I knew him for a very long time. We share the same taste in music, so he asked me to hear some of the songs in his iPod.

That evening we had tea with the Australians students at a hall in Puchong. As the theme was traditional, I wore my Black Singapore Baju Kurung.

Ash was presenting his speech about being in Malaysia. He even talked in Malay :)





The Australians singing their anthem


His last day :(

And below are just random photos at school where we Malaysian students had to teach the Australians playing traditional games like congkak and batu seremban :)

Thats Franny and Matt, the most friendly guys








Brandon playing batu seremban and he sucks at it! :p


Matt trying to play batu seremban :D


Thats Nikketa, Matt, Thinesh, Idntknowwho, Brandon and Francois :)


Francois just doesn't know how to play ! ;p

It was such a good experience, to have foreign students in our school. But I was kind of embarrassed too since public schools in Malaysia have the ugliest structure and maintenance! Not that I'm a professional Architect or anything, but just saying..