February 25, 2011

Happy Birthday!!

For the last 19 years of my life, I've been celebrating a birthday every 25th February. Cakes, hand made cards, cupcakes, candles, presents.. My family and I had never missed out from celebrating this day.

It's 25th February today but I don't see any balloons or cake anywhere. It's because it's my eldest brother's birthday. He's turning 22 today. I would be busy choosing what flavour would the cake be this year or I would be in book stores, choosing coloured papers to make a card for him.. if he's actually here. My brother flew off to study Bio-Technology in California end of last year(I know right, imagine all the stores he can go everyday!!) and this year is the first year he's not here for his birthday. His absence affected me so much already and today, it affects me more. I never thought I would miss him this much. I feel so bad that we're not there with him on the day he turns a year older.

I'm most close to my brother among my other siblings. Not that I'm not close to the others but my brother is the one I turn to whenever I have problems and I would go knocking on his bedroom door whenever I feel like no one understands me because he always know what to say to make me laugh. We both share our deepest darkest secrets with each other. But of course, we bicker over small stuffs. That's what siblings do after all but we always end up saying sorry to each other and get along well right after that. Before he left for California, we had this fight over something really really small. I was so angry that I told myself that I won't go to the airport to send him off. I was so sure I didn't want to be there to see him go because I was being such a brat. The next day, I was crying like it's nobody's business in KLIA right before he went off. That's just how things work between us. No matter how nasty the words we throw to each other or how bad we fight, we know that we both love each other. I'm so close to him because we're just two years apart and when I was born, he was the one who took care of me. Though pulling the pillow from under my head when I was sleeping in my blanket does not count as taking care, but to him it was. He was 2 when I was born, so to him it was so sweet of him to carry me around when he couldn't even walk properly. My parents think it's dangerous but to me, that's sweet. A warm welcome from a brother the second I saw the world? Who doesn't want that, right? So anyway, our lives revolved around each other for years and we had four years to play with each other without anyone interfering before my sister came into the picture. We play together even when I had a Barbie in my hands and he had guns and robots in his. We somehow will make things work even if the things were the opposite.

Thank God for the invention of Skype, my family and I can at least talk to him while looking at his face. At least we can see he's doing well there. I skype-d with him the other day when my family was out. That was when he told me everything that happened there, how he ended up being someone's boyfriend and how he was doing in his studies. Just looking at his face on the computer screen made me want to tear up. Yes, he was in front of me but I couldn't touch him. A hug is definitely out of the picture. So all I could do was just stare and listened intently to his stories.

Okay before I create a pool of my own tears here, I better stop reminisce about all the stuffs we did together and whatnot. It's just so sad how we can't celebrate his birthday together this year :( Hope your friends and girlfriend will make your birthday a blast for you this year. Happy 22nd Birthday, Abang. I miss you!!

No comments: